PREVIEW: Forfarshire Veterans v Arbroath Veterans
The Forfarshire Veterans have their first game of the 2014 season this Friday (13th June) when they welcome the Arbroath Veterans to Forthill for a T20 fixture (6pm start). Just by sheer coincidence, the game occurs on the opening evening of the Dundee Beer Festival which is taking place at the same venue.
The Forfarshire squad have been training at high altitude (in various bars up the Hilltown) for this one and competition for places has been fierce. Unfortunately some injuries and unavailability has occurred along the way – and although this has made team selection a little easier, the pool is down to the bare bones............unlike any of the players.
Those unable to make it include;
Barry Stewart. Barry is nursing an injury first sustained in the womb and which spread to his groin in 1983, it then ran down his leg to become an ankle ligament strain (1984 to 1986), it then ran down his foot to give him an ingrown toenail (1987), it then ran up his leg to cause a grade 97 hamstring tear which lasted 11 years(1987 – 1998), it then crawled up his vertebrae which gave him back spasms which lasted until the millennium (1998 – 2001), it then leapt up to his shoulder and meant he had a slingy bowling action that caused him to bowl wides ( his whole career; but especially 2001 – 2008) and then it implanted in his whole body and he is now just sore all over and can’t do anything (except play golf).
Stewart Garden. Stewart is so afraid of getting pelters from the Arbroath lads due to his association with Montrose (twinned with Warsaw) that he has run off to hide in Spain for two weeks.
Dr Jim Inglis. Jim has not been seen since 2007 when he disappeared whilst running into the wicket to bowl at Rossie Priory. The suspicion is that he is still running round the fields of The Priory with a ball in his hand looking for a batsman to bowl at whilst talking to the animals.
Angus Hay. Angus is on a two week long business lunch in London and is being brought back home via convoy on the back of his personal articulated lorry. He won’t get back in time for the start of the match due to Friday evening traffic on the M25.
David Sim. David Sim is at a Susan Boyle concert.
The team however does still include some stars of the past that are sure to entertain the local cricketing public and the drunks in the beer tent. Those confirmed as being on show for the home team include...........
Gordon Walker. Ted is still turning out for the second team at the ripe old age of fifty (plus ten) and big things are expected of him in this match given his record of success against Arbroath, against whom he has taken three wickets in forty two years. Two of these three wickets were on the way home when he bowled against the guy making the chips in the Bell Rock to improve his average – and the other one was renowned Arbroath number 11 Stevie “Wonder” Plomer.
Dave Thomson. The current Forfarshire Chairman of selectors has agreed to come out of retirement to play in this fixture so that he can actually show the batters in the club how to play – rather than just telling them how to play. His selection was only confirmed when he found out that Freda was appointed as team masseuse.
Alex Steele. “Steely” is a genuine club legend. Now in his 70’s he will keep wicket and will no doubt be the most enthusiastic player on show. Widely recognised as the best ever wicket keeper to play for Scotland – he is also widely recognised as having the biggest underpants in the world.
Lindsay Garden. “Butts” has promised to play on the agreement he gets to wear a pair of Steely’s underpants.
The final line up will be revealed to the press on Friday morning (after 11 late fitness tests)....There is no news at this stage of the Arbroath line up, with visiting captain Neil Burnett keeping his cards close to his chest. It is just as well he has long arms that enable him to do that.
Hopefully a big crowd will come along to support the Veterans and perhaps also enjoy a pint or two of the numerous beers which will be available for purchase at the Beer Festival.