ion8 Forfarshire Cricket Club 3rd XI v Dalnacraig on Sun 29 Aug 2010 at 1pm
ion8 Forfarshire Cricket Club Lost 2 wickets

Match report The curtain fell on the league season when Forthill XI welcomed local rivals Dalnacraig to the lush pastures of Forthill on Division One duty.

Forthill welcomed back Sim Senior to the helm and he won the toss and chose to bat first on a nice looking track. Pre match excitement was caused by the sight of heavy overnight gales blowing over the sightscreen at the Nursery Road End and a working party managed to get the screen upright before play commenced. Included in this effort was the sight of Steven being catapulted into the air whilst still holding on to the sightscreen as it righted itself which caused great hilarity as well as a quick call to Isaac Newton to get him to re-check his thoughts on gravity.

Play was held up at the start when the standard bails were unable to stay put in the extremely heavy wind. Chief umpire Sim Sr despatched himself to the store cupboard to collect the heavy set of bails from the ever present bail tin - but shock and horror ensued when the bail tin was empty. A quick survey of the changing area failed to uncover the required bails and thanks to the quick thinking of the future Chief Constable of Tayside he came up with an idea of where the bails might be - only a highly trained officer of the law could have thought of this ; he looked in the first aid kit.

Of course, there was no chance of the bails ever being in the first aid kit; and one wondered whether he was going to put plasters over the bails to keep them in place - but it turned out he genuinely thought the bails might have been there. If anyone hears anything suspicious in the bail underworld call Bail Stoppers free on 0800 217217. Bail Stoppers are particularly keen to trace a white volvo seen in the vicinity of Forthill.

So the game started with no bails and it was a pedestrian start from Andy and Steven. Andy went and was replaced by Kevin and they were tied down by some good bowling from the Heh Skale openers. Steven went in controversial fashion when he was adjudged LBW by the bail detective and one could only assume the traditional Sunday night family kebab would have been less friendly than usual. Steven was heard to mutter "that man is a clown" as he trudged off.

Clark replaced Steven and he and Kevin were making steady if unspectacular progress and the innings was turning around when young Chris adjudgeed Kevin out LBW from one which he middled into his pad on the way down to fine leg. Chris is being despatched to the Bread al Bayne umpiring school for the winter to learn the basics of Strathy Union umpiring. IE Count to six and say not out.

More excitement was provided when the sightscreens blew over again - and a few minutes later one of them miraculously blew back up again.

Clark continued to play in subdued fashion and a succession of partners came and went, with only Adam playing an innings of any substance with his new Mongoose bat showing signs of an encouraging middle. Finally he was joined by Simmy and the highlight of the day at that point was provided when Clark pushed one out to long off and called for two having taken into account the less than rapier like arm of the fielder in the deep. He forgot however to take account of the fact that the more than ample frame of Sim Sr would be turning into a gale force wind and be buffetted about like a tanker in the North Sea and as he made his ground he turned and saw Simmy apparently running in slow motion towards the other end. The under hand whirl of Miller finally made it from the boundary to the stumps and Sim just made his ground.

Then along came a new highlight of the day when Clark nudged one down to the vacant third man area and he and Simmy somehow managed to run three. With a combined age of 95 years and a combined weight of nearly 95 stone a quick call was made to the Guinness Book of records to see if this was worthy of inclusion in next years book - however we were disappointed to learn that just the day before John Prescott and Gordon Brown had run three when playing for the Labour XI so we were pipped by one year and half a stone.

Clark was bowled by Bucket and whilst he was contemplating suicide the innings folded for a below par 151.

Hopes were high for a stellar tea to end the season but unfortunately the usual fare appeared. Poor timing in the kitchen meant the sausage rolls and pizza were late being served and this further reduced the chances of ending the season on a high note. The sound of a lady's voice in the corridor lifted spirits and we thought a late season rabbit had been pulled out of the hat - especially when Simmy produced a large pole and some adult music started in the background - was this the skipper's treat and the route to a much hoped for ten out of ten tea???? It turned out someone had a fancy ring tone, Simmy was getting a tennis ball of the roof and it was only Freda looking for bonus ball money to fund her next international excursion with Dave T.

5 out of 10 was the award and a mediocre season of teas ended with Forthill once again retaining the trophy with a nice early season home tea taking the honours. We can only hope we are in the same league as Arbroath next year and get some sort of challenge for the trophy.

So on the field we went and with the wind having subsided to a degree conditions were improved. We needed a good start and got a bad one with the High School boys getting off to a flyer. With Spider in Spain on a lycra suited stag do - it was left to the Prof to open up; for a while we thought Prof stood for professional as opposed to professor as he flayed the ball to all parts. I had to go up and tug his beard at one stage as I thought it was Adam Gilchrist in disguise.

51 for 1 was not what we needed, but thankfully we picked up a wicket here and there and almost got back into the game but a poor final total of 19 wides proved critical and heh skale edged towards the total. Hopkins was the wicket we needed and a sharp chance at slip went down and just as we were staring defeat in the face, Hoppy skied one from Chris and we were back in it.

The bad news was the run rate was very low, the good news was we had the Boycott Of The North at the crease and the shape of Miller who is more renowned for his obdurate defence as his flashing stroke play. A few blocks later and another wicket and the pressure was on. With ball seemingly unable to leave the square, the only course of action as we entered the final stages and overs running out was for the Heh Skale to revert to the age old tactic of kamikaze running. Boycs donned his running spikes and he was off - a couple of close calls which would have needed TV replays and a third, fourth and fifth umpire to resolve were survived and in spite of another subsequent run out , Miller survived and carried his bat for a stunning 12 not out and saw his team home.

It was a fine game of cricket in the end and was largely played out in a sporting manner and all credit to Dalners for coming out on top. The young Forthill side who once again fielded eight members of the under 18 side have had a good season and everyone has improved their game and enjoyed things along the way which as always is the main thing. We finsished in a creditable mid table position and enjoyed some good victories over the season.

But forget all of this, it would seem that in spite of bringing on a whole host of young players and earning another crack at this league next season on merit - it appears we will be relegated.....

How can this be possible?

It would seem that in spite of the precedent being set a couple of years back when Kinross fielded two sides in the same division - league rules still dictate that two teams from the same club cannot play in the same division. Club officials are already contemplating a legal challenge should the league go ahead with their plan and it is rumoured that OJ Simpson's lawyer had been lined up to represent us and if that fails we are all going round to Faff's house to give him a wedgie. Our only hope lies either with league reconstruction - with sadly a number of clubs failing to fulfill numerous fixtures this year it would appear we will have some casualties in terms of member clubs - or common sense which will mean that one of the few clubs in the area who are actively promoting junior cricket and having teams packed full of kids trying to learn the game will not be penalised. A Forthill v Forthill XI fixture would only be a highly contested affair under any circumstances.

Anyway - for an old sage like me a trip to Glendelvine for the first time, Arbroath for a nice tea, Warsaw to have another knock on the plastic and Brechin for a cheap pint means nothing but something to look forward to. Mind you, the opportunity to face Teddy would be nice!!!

For anyone from visiting clubs who tunes in to read this nonsense every now and then - I hope you have enjoyed your season and we look forward to seeing you in 2011 and wish you a healthy winter.

ion8 Forfarshire Cricket Club 3rd XI Batting
Player Name RunsMB4s6sSRCtStRo
for 10 wickets

(0.0 overs)
Andrew Cameron ct b Hopkins 6
Steven Sim lbw Saeed 5
Kevin Karan Singh lbw Nadir 22 1
Clark McConnachie b Lindsay 58
Ross Lloyd ct b Johnny 0
Callum Walker ct b Nadir 2
Adam Hill b Nadir 19
Glenn Carnegie b Nadir 0 1
David Sim Run out  12 1
Samir Hill b Hopkins 6
Christopher Welsh Not Out  4

Dalnacraig Bowling

Player nameOversMaidensRunsWicketsAverageEconomy
A Saeed9.0313113.001.44
R Hopkins7.4025212.503.26
D Lindsay5.0116116.003.20
M Ancell4.002400.006.00

Dalnacraig Batting
Player name RMB4s6sSR
for 8 wickets
152 (0.0 overs)
C Reid lbw Singh 25
D Lindsay b A Hill 0
A Nadir b Walker 40
F Saeed ct D Sim b Singh 1
R Hopkins ct Singh b Welsh 28
S Johhny ct Carnegie b Walker 13
R Miller Not Out  14
C Gibbs  Cameron
L Smith  
A Saeed  
M Ancell  

ion8 Forfarshire Cricket Club 3rd XI Bowling

Player NameOversMaidensRunsWicketsAverageEconomy
Adam Hill6.0024124.004.00
Samir Hill6.002600.004.33
Callum Walker9.0027213.503.00
Kevin Karan Singh8.3031215.503.65
Glenn Carnegie4.001700.004.25
Christopher Welsh6.0110110.001.67
Andrew Cameron5.0114114.002.80