Rossie Priory XI v ion8 Forfarshire Cricket Club 3rd XI on Sun 19 Jun 2011 at 1pm
ion8 Forfarshire Cricket Club Won 56 runs

Match report
Monsoon June finally relented on Sunday morning and the big yellow thing in the sky made a welcome guest appearance. This allowed the Bob McFarlane Rain Busters Team to swing into action down Inchture way and after much mopping and rolling the eagerly anticipated Division2 clash between Rossie Priory XI and Forthill XI was given the go ahead.

The Forthill team made the statutory stop at Bullionfield services and loaded up with high carb pre match fare (coke and crisps) and made the short jaunt up the A90. No need for sandwiches and sausage rolls today knowing that the famed Rossie teas were on the agenda for later in the afternoon.

Upon arrival at the ground the playing area was in remarkably good shape, although it was no surprise to see that wicket was a touch on the soft side. The Rain Busters had truly done a remarkable job. The home side seemed to have decided to have a fancy dress day as they all appeared in varying coloured shorts and vest tops and it did indeed look like an old Wham video at one stage as they gathered together in the centre of the field. The winner of the funniest outfit was the chap in the dayglo orange jersey (which may have been the new style top of a local football club) which was absolutely hilarious.
There was one of the local side who looked far more dapper than the rest of his team mates and whilst he had never been seen playing for Rossie before; at a distance he seemed somewhat familiar. More of that later…..

Sim Senior was missing from the Forthill line up due to a fractured thumb; so Sim junior took up the role of trudging out to the middle with laces undone, shirt hanging out and generally looking a mess to toss up as skipper. He also performed the role of trudging back looking sheepish having lost the toss and been inserted on a less than inviting pitch.

The Cameron brothers opened up and it became evident that batting might prove tricky with the ball playing a few tricks. Scott was bowled by the excellent Rodney (3 for 14) and Clark joined Andy at the wicket. The pair managed to put on an ultimately match winning partnership of 100 plus before Andy (39) was dismissed thanks to a stunning catch in the outfield. Clark was playing away OK, but his concentration wavered significantly with the introduction of fourth change bowler “Carnell” into the attack. This is the gentleman mentioned earlier who was very dapper and somewhat familiar pre match and on closer inspection from 22 yards away was none other than Hollywood superstar Hugh Grant. Clearly using a false name as these film star types do – there was still no question that this was Hugh. With his boyish good looks he came whirling in and it was hard to believe that this legend of film would be bowling quick leggies in Inchture….but here he was. Not surprisingly the batting focus became secondary and Hugh (sorry…Tom) lead to a mini collapse – among the tea ladies – and also his bowling wasn’t bad as well.

Clark fell and there was a flurry of wickets but Adam (33) who is clearly not a romantic comedy type seemed unperturbed as he played some big shots; including one which flew into a nearby field and almost killed a sheep who was enjoying a mid afternoon grass munch and nap. The innings folded with Samir also threatening the local wildlife with a lusty blow and an above par score for the conditions of 183 for 9 had been achieved.

Now to sit down to the much vaunted Rossie Priory teas – with wenches; copious sandwiches, lovely savouries and home baking a plenty…………and given Hugh’s presence maybe even some champagne? Imagine the shock and horror when we saw the “spread”. A handful of sandwiches, a few chipolatas and a box of Viennese whirls were all that adorned the table. Even the pot of tea at the end was a pour your own job. Bad went to worse when the players who were lucky enough to win a sausage in the chipolata lottery advised not eating them due to their rancid flavour. How we now regretted not loading up with stuff at Bullionfield like we do when we are going to play Perth Northern. The tea adjudicator was almost in tears at the state of tea served up as he has often enjoyed magnificent fare on the rolling lawns of the Rossie Priory. To compound his misery, Fish (former Rossie legend and not playing on the day) came into the tea room from no where and stole the last sandwich standing. It was a season’s worst 1 out of 10 that was awarded for the tea and the single point was given on the basis that the tea was warm….

Hungry and disappointed, we ventured on the field for the second half and Adam and Glenn bowled decent spells and the Rossie early order batsmen found the going tough. McAlpine (40 runs and fancy dress winner) played some lusty shots, but when he fell to a fine catch from Samir any chance of a home victory went with him. The bowlers all chipped in and remaining interest centred on Hollywood legend Hugh Grant who entered the fray at number 7. Looking dapper, flowing black locks and cool glasses he played like a guy who had been coached at public school. He made a nice little 11 before his funeral arrived and he took off into the sunset. He made straight for a parked car under the oak tree and wasn’t seen again after that. The home side’s innings folded on 127 all out and a good 56 run win was secured.

It was off to the Inchture Hotel after that and when we got there the paparazzi were outside and it seemed word had got out. It was clearly a big event in the calendar and it was no surprise that the press wanted to see what was going on and why such a high profile person was going to be in the Inchture Hotel. After all it is not every day that a person with such legendary status honours the village of Inchture with their presence. Once they took their pictures the press thankfully left our superstar alone and he could enjoy a pint in peace with his new friends. When asked how he managed to cope with being such a famous person, he replied “it is not easy. Everywhere you go people want a piece of you. They want your autograph. They want your view on things. They want you to come to this dinner party and that dinner party, this event and that event, make a speech here and make a speech there. Yes, it isn’t easy being President of Cricket Scotland.”

The Man of the Match Award went to Clark and he received a Love Actually DVD, a Four Weddings and Funeral poster, A Mickey Blue Eyes key ring and a bag of past their sell by date chipolatas.

Next league duty for Forthill XI is a week on Sunday when we have an away trip to Warsaw. Players are reminded that the week long weather acclimatisation programme will commence on Monday morning and we will be camping out in speedos on Broughty beach for five days solid and taking ice baths every hour.

I am pleased to advise that to break the training camp monotony we will be visited on Wednesday afternoon by the Gordon Walker Cricket Ball Heading Display team who will be showing their full range of cricket ball heading skills.

ion8 Forfarshire Cricket Club 3rd XI Batting
Player Name RunsMB4s6sSRCtStRo
for 9 wickets

(0.0 overs)
Andrew Cameron ct Moorjani b Carnell 29 1
Scott Cameron b Rodney 0 2
Clark McConnachie lbw Khan 83 1
Glenn Carnegie ct Caddick b Rodney 1
Adam Hill b Reid 33
Abdullah Awan b Reid 6
Scott Carnegie Not Out  8
Steven Sim b Rodney 0 3
Christopher Welsh ct Carnell b Reid 1
Samir Hill ct Reid b Khan 7 2
Craig McConnachie  

Rossie Priory XI Bowling

Player nameOversMaidensRunsWicketsAverageEconomy
A Rodney9.011434.671.56
A Milne9.012800.003.11
A Saddler7.014000.005.71
A Caddick3.002000.006.67
T Carnell6.0026126.004.33
A Khan7.0030215.004.29
T Reid4.011635.334.00

Rossie Priory XI Batting
Player name RMB4s6sSR
for 10 wickets
127 (0.0 overs)
A Lynch ct Sim b A Hill 5
A Saddler ct S Cameron b Carnegie 1
A Khan ct S Hill b A Cameron 14
M McAlpine ct C McConnachie b A Cameron 40
A Caddick Not Out  6
N Mooranji ct Sim b S Hill 0
T Carnell ct S Hill b A cameron 11
A Milne ct A Cameron b C McConnachie 2
A Rodney ct & b S Cameron 16
E Reid b S Cameron 3
T Reid ct Sim b Welsh 1

ion8 Forfarshire Cricket Club 3rd XI Bowling

Player NameOversMaidensRunsWicketsAverageEconomy
Adam Hill7.0221121.003.00
Glenn Carnegie9.0226126.002.89
Andrew Cameron6.0235311.675.83
Samir Hill5.00717.001.40
Craig McConnachie4.0014114.003.50
Christopher Welsh5.0018118.003.60
Scott Cameron2.00422.002.00