Rossie Priory v ion8 Forfarshire Cricket Club 3rd XI on Sat 19 May 2012 at 1pm
ion8 Forfarshire Cricket Club Lost 6 wickets

Match report
Forthill 2nd XI made the short journey to Inchture to meet old friends Rossie Priory in their latest quest for Strathmore and Perthshire Union division one points.

The players gathered at the allotted meeting time and the skipper was very anxious when there was no sign of Glenn. Urgent phone calls were made to try and establish his whereabouts and when no response was received a delegation lead by skipper Sim headed to his house. After much banging on the door, extremely loud shouting and throwing stones at windows; Glenn finally appeared at the door in his Sponge Bob Square pants pyjamas……….. and it was clear he had been in the Land of Nod. He quickly dressed and collected his cricket belongings before getting into the provided transport where he promptly fell asleep again.

The players arrived and opened the various cattle gates and entered the playing arena; where Scottish Cricket supremo Bobby McFarlane could be seen playing on his tractor. It was apparent that in spite of the inclement weather of the past week, the ground was in fine fettle thanks to the efforts of Bobby. The pre match discussion among the players somehow turned to the golfing abilities of Ted Walker and one senior player suggested that he was of limited ability in the golfing department. He also suggested that being so poor at golf was not to his liking and this is why Teddy did not play golf too much. Skipper Sim then wondered out loud why Mr. Walker had played so much cricket down the years when he is so poor at that as well……..!!!

Simmy Senior made his way out to the middle and it was clear that the toss was going to be crucial in this particular game. The wicket was very soft and it was felt it would only improve as the day progressed and winning the toss and inserting the opposition was going to be of paramount importance. The skipper failed miserably in this task and we batted first. It quickly became apparent that against an accurate and experienced home attack run scoring was going to prove difficult. Regular wickets fell from the off and the wicket was slower than the Greek Euro recovery….

It looked like we would get home in time for the Scottish Cup Final never mind the Champions League Final……..but thankfully Jack managed to display the technique and application needed to make the home team work for their wickets and occupied the crease superbly well. He was joined by Christian who also played well and the two youngsters held up the home advance. Bryce joined Jack when Christian surprisingly got out and the two started to push the score on. When Abdullah replaced Bryce he too went on the offensive, however the innings quickly folded when Rodney returned to the attack and a meagre 95 runs was eventually all that we could muster.

Tea at Rossie Priory is usually a very pleasant experience, however on our last visit we were very disappointed by the fare on offer and our tea adjudicator on that occasion was scathing in his criticism, much to the annoyance of the Rossie faithful. The home team actually made an official complaint to the Michelin Star guide when as a result of the article their Michelin Star cricket tea rating was downgraded to crap. Relations between the clubs have been tense ever since and this was the home side’s first opportunity to regain their reputation as a fine dining cricket club. It quickly became apparent that the amount of food on offer was of the very large variety. The table was visibly straining under the weight of assorted filled sandwiches and rolls, sausage rolls and pizza. The sweet toothed offering was even larger with there being overflowing plates of mini rolls, French fancies and more custard creams than a custard cream factory. If the tea was going to be judged on quantity, then Rossie were in good shape.
All seemed perfect, and even the unfortunate event when the gas supply ran out which meant a ten minute wait for hot tea seemed to be unimportant- as all and sundry tucked in to the fare on offer. As the tea adjudicator readied his pencil and started to take positive notes a large shadow suddenly appeared standing over him – in the unmistakable shape of Bobby McFarlane. Fresh from his sponsored tractor ride between Land End and John O Groats, Bobby stood over the adjudicator and let flow with a range of threats and expletives which made Haye and Chisora look like a couple of pussy cats. Our resident food critic was clearly stunned and almost choked on a custard cream when McFarlane was heard to say, “If you say a bad word aboot oor teas again and I will take that pot of tea and pour it doon yir troosers!”

Suddenly what was turning out to be a season’s best 9 out of 10 award was being marked down for bad behaviour to a three out of ten. A complaint has been forwarded to the Strathmore and Perthshire Union disciplinary committee about this threatening behavior and a lengthy ban would seem appropriate. How Rossie Priory can expect to regain its Michelin star rating with such a threatening and grumpy head waiter is beyond this correspondent. Who does he think he is – Gordon Ramsay??? Well fed but slightly frightened, the visitors took the field in defence of their 95 runs, which was one run for every Custard Cream that Jack ate at tea time.

Craig picked up a couple of early wickets, but some patient batting and some generally wayward bowling from the visitors meant that the home side rather easily got to the required 96 runs and the game ended with a comfortable 7 wicket win for them. This was another disappointing performance from the Broughty Ferry side and it would appear that even at this early stage of the season that we are in a relegation dogfight. A meeting of senior players was convened in the Inchture Hotel afterwards and it was decided that we should approach Roberto Martinez and ask him to come and steer us clear of the drop zone as he seems quite good at that….

The Man of the Match Award went to Jack for his patient innings and he receives a year’s supply of Custard Creams courtesy of the Bobby M Martial Arts Club, Inchture. Unfortunately, word came through the next morning that a number of our team had been struck down by food poisoning. From the residue of food that had to be pumped out of the stomach of sundry Forthill players – it became apparent after testing that some tuna sandwiches had somehow been infiltrated with tractor fuel.

Next week sees us making the short trip to Dawson Park to meet local rivals Norwood. Regular car journeys along the Arbroath Road see me glancing over to the Dawson Park square and I think I might need to have my eyes tested as I can’t seem to see the square any more…. Players are reminded to meet promptly and to bring their pooper scoopers with them. The club money collector has asked that all players be reminded that if they do not pay their dues by next weekend they are liable to face a firing squad.

ion8 Forfarshire Cricket Club 3rd XI Batting
Player Name RunsMB4s6sSRCtStRo
13w 3b 3lb 
for 10 wickets

(0.0 overs)
Steven Sim b Robertson 2
Craig McConnachie b Rodney 1
Clark McConnachie ct Robertson b Milne 21 1
Adam Hill b Rodney 6 1
Glenn Carnegie ct & b Milne 1
Jack Hogarth st Yearworth b Rodney 11
Christian Robertson ct McAlpine b Milne 5 1
Bryce Robertson b Dawson 17 1
David Sim ct Robertson b Stephen 2
Abdullah Awan Not Out  10 1
Morgan Sargeant b Rodney 0

Rossie Priory Bowling

Player nameOversMaidensRunsWicketsAverageEconomy
A Rodney8.302546.252.94
C Robertson5.0110110.002.00
P Milne9.041133.671.22
R Lynch6.02700.001.17
B Stephen3.00919.003.00
J Wilson5.0012112.002.40
F Martin7.001500.002.14

Rossie Priory Batting
Player name RMB4s6sSR
2nb 15w 2b 1lb 
for 3 wickets
96 (28.3 overs)
P Yearworth ct Awan b McConnachie 16
J Wilson ct Hill b McConnachie 4
B Stephens lbw Hogarth 22
F Martin Not Out  20
D McAlpine Not Out  14
N Moorjani  
T Cooley  
R Lynch  
C Robertson  
A Rodney  
P Milne  

ion8 Forfarshire Cricket Club 3rd XI Bowling

Player NameOversMaidensRunsWicketsAverageEconomy
Adam Hill1.001000.0010.00
Craig McConnachie7.0120210.002.86
Glenn Carnegie8.002100.002.63
Jack Hogarth4.0015115.003.75
Christian Robertson4.001200.003.00
Abdullah Awan3.00900.003.00
Morgan Sargeant1.30600.004.00