ion8 Forfarshire Cricket Club
ion8 Forfarshire Cricket Club 3rd XI v Perth Doo'cot 2nd XI on Sun 08 Jun 2014 at 1pm
ion8 Forfarshire Cricket Club Won 8 wickets
With Saturday’s game at Forthill being abandoned at tea time due to heavy rain, which proceeded to fall in torrents for several hours afterwards one could perhaps be forgiven for thinking at that stage that there was little prospect of a game taking place on the hallowed turf the following day.
This was certainly the view of the vice skipper on Saturday evening, as he proceeded to indulge in some drinking games and followed this with a late night/early morning visit to the Dundee Casino. With the “rain card” having been well and truly played and having arrived home at 6.30am.............one can only imagine the look of surprise on his face at 8.30am when woken by the skipper (his father) to be told that the sun was shining and ground repair duty was required to try and render the Forthill surface playable. Bleary eyed and after a wholly insufficient two hours of sleep, the vice skipper donned his kebab stained tracksuit and hitched a ride from his father to survey the scene.
Thanks go out to the previous days eleven for taking the trouble to not only cover the wicket in statutory fashion..........but for also adding the large white tarpaulin to the rest of the square which meant that in spite of the previous evening’s deluge, the majority of the wet stuff was contained on plastic and did not therefore flood the ground. This effort meant that with the aid of two super soakers, the surface water on the tarpaulins could be mopped up and once the sheeting was removed a largely dry surface was found beneath. This work was mainly carried out by the skipper and a sleepwalking vice captain, but credit goes to the other team members (e.g. the Cameron twins) who also arrived on the scene to assist.
The Club Chef arrived at the ground and was surprised by the amount of bodies on site and immediately panicked as he had only brought enough bacon and rolls to cater for his usual exclusive Sunday Morning Brunch Club.....and there was no way that either he or the skipper were going to have anything less than their usual helping of three heavily filled baps per head....
The players therefore shared an apple which they had luckily found in the recycling bin..........whilst the club chef and skipper tucked in to what could only be described as delicious looking bacon rolls. I guess we will never know what they tasted like – but they certainly looked good. The vice skipper skipped the food and had three cans of red bull, two espressos and a bag of skittles before promptly dozing off.
With the pitch officially rendered playable by the grounds man (and Brunch Club Member) John, the game commenced and the home skipper won the toss and bowled first under sunny skies. It should be added that the skipper was in a happy frame of mind having been to see Billy Joel in concert earlier in the week.
The Perth Do’ocot openers came in and Craig bowled visiting skipper McKinnie in the first over. Craig and Andy bowled well at the start and runs were hard to come by and the home side were on top.
Just then we heard a fire engine go past and wondered where it was going; although we all obviously knew that wherever it was heading, We Didn’t Start The Fire. We wondered who could have started the fire mind you and went through a list of possible offenders........... Colin Morgan, Mev Smith, Alex Steele, Peter Rhind, Derek Lawson, Tim East, Ronnie Fleming’s Dad.........Gordon Walker, Gordon Hossick, Rae McLelland, John McCulloch, Barry Stewart, Davie Crooks, Mince Roll Man......We Didn’t Start The Fire........
Andy took the next wicket when Cammy held a nice catch at square leg and this brought the experienced Armstrong to the crease to join Wigley. This pair batted away nicely and whist the run count was slow, they did well to see off the new ball. Craig and Andy were replaced by Scott and Iain. The run ups were lengthy and the bowling of overs seemed to take the Longest Time. Iain dropped one short to Wigley and after lots of hard work and seeing off some good bowling, the youthful Wigley hit it straight to the fielder and departed and his demise showed that sometimes even in cricket terms , Only the Good Die Young.
Armstrong fell soon after and the home team were back on top and with wickets falling at regular intervals and the pitch drying out they seemed well in command of the game. Morgan came on sporting a new haircut and wondered what his team mates thought of it and they said, we like you Just The Way You Are. He then took a wicket and the visiting innings closed on 133 for 8.
Tea was taken and a large array of sandwiches was on display. In a new way of doing things, Christian put all of the cakes and sweet treats at his place at the table and people had to ask him if they could have one. We asked him why he had taken all of the cakes himself – and he said it wasn’t me, I am an Innocent Man.
Dave seemed sad and we asked him what was wrong. He said he was missing Freda who was on a shopping trip to Dundee. This just proved that Freda truly is an Uptown Girl. We said to Chef Dave that we were unhappy that some of the dishes were dirty. He simply pointed to the waitress in attendance and said Tell Her About It. The vice skipper still looked tired and said he was still needing a kip and wasn’t fully concentrating. He added that he had been playing poker at the casino last night with some American tourists and couldn’t get their accents out of his head. He said they were from the Big Apple and that their accents stuck in his head and were giving him an unforgiving New York State of Mind.
Christian and Cammy opened up and unfortunately Cammy went early. He was heard to mutter that the he was giving up cricket and taking up stage theatre like his brother. We asked if he was going to be a dancer like Blair and he said no, I am going to be a Piano Man. Christian fell to a smart one handed slip catch from Armstrong senior and this brought Scott and Clark to the crease. Clark played a supporting role whilst Scott (73 not out) smashed the ball around the park and saw the home team to a comfortable eight wicket victory.
Credit goes to Do’ocot for trying hard right to the end and playing the game in a sporting fashion. The skipper thanked everyone for their efforts in firstly getting the game played and also for then playing well to secure the points. He singled out just one person for criticism and that was the vice skipper, whom he chastised for staying out late the night before a game and not taking things seriously enough. The vice skipper was not happy and told the skipper, “I have had enough of this..........it is My Life and I am Moving Out” The skipper cheered and bought champagne for everyone.
For the younger members who read this, Billy Joel is a famous singer/songwriter who has a lengthy back catalogue of famous songs – some of which have been skilfully included in the above report. The skipper’s visit to see Billy Joel provided some inspiration for this report. If further information is needed, either ask your Mum or Dad........Gran or Grandad...........or look him up on You Tube. He is now 65 years old which makes him older than Ted....but he is still better than Ted at cricket........even though he is American and has never played cricket. I know some of you prefer newer music; and if you do go to a concert let me know and I will try and incorporate your favourite band in a future report. One Direction in particular have a nice array of titles that are well suited to a cricket report so hopefully someone will admit to going to see 1D (that is what hip young people call them) and we can have a Harry Styles inspired report.
Just think – Nobby would have been called Harry if he was playing cricket in this day and age. But just remember, no matter what the music.........It’s Still Rock and Roll to Me
Perth Doo'cot 2nd XI Batting
for 8 wickets
133 (45.0 overs)
ct Walker b A Cameron
ct Carnegie b Lockhart
ct A Cameron b Carnegie
b S Cameron
ct Lockhart b Robertson
ct Lockhart b Carnegie
ct Carnegie b Sargeant
ion8 Forfarshire Cricket Club 3rd XI Bowling
ion8 Forfarshire Cricket Club 3rd XI Batting
for 2 wickets
ct Armstrong b Sarriol
b R Armstrong
Perth Doo'cot 2nd XI Bowling
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