ion8 Forfarshire Cricket Club 3rd XI v Rossie Priory on Sun 17 Aug 2014 at 1pm
ion8 Forfarshire Cricket Club Won 7 wickets

Match report Sunday witnessed the final home league fixture of 2014 for Autoecosse Forthill 2nd XI. The fixture saw current league leaders and title favourites Massey Ferguson Rossie Priory making the short jaunt to Broughty Ferry from their home base along the Perth Road in Inchture.

Never have team sponsors been so aptly named than in this fixture. The well oiled, sporty machine that is the Forthill based club - has very apt sponsors in the prestige motor company that attaches itself to them in the form of Autoecosse. The rough and ready tractor boys from deepest, darkest Perthshire also have a well named sponsor - and have their own backer in the form of tractor manufacturer Massey Ferguson. Ahead of the start, the Forthill car park was loaded up with various types of farm machinery that had transported the Rossie players and fans for this game, knowing that victory for their favourites would secure the league title. A party atmosphere ensued with visiting fans draped in Barbour jackets and wellington boots filling the away end to capacity.

Unusually this season, skipper Sim and his deputy Sim Junior were both in the home line up, which was much changed after last week’s debacle. Heavy duty batting practice had been undertaken all week in the hope that today we could trouble the scorers a little more...

Visiting skipper Raymond won the toss and to the home skipper’s surprise opted to take first use of the decent looking pitch.

Craig and Andy opened up and after four overs no runs had been scored. Then the rain came on and we scurried for cover. Thankfully this was to be the only rain delay of the day; as big black clouds decided to pass either side of the ground thereafter. The frugal opening bowling continued when play resumed and Lynch junior was first to go when his middle stump was sent cartwheeling by a Cameron yorker. More wickets fell, few runs were scored and Forthill were well on top. Only veteran batter McAlpine was looking comfortable – although he was subdued in the run scoring department by some fine bowling across the board from the home young whipper snapper bowlers. He received some support from Turner (16) in the middle order, but when McAlpine fell for a well made 55, the tail wagged rather ineffectively. Iain ran through the lower order batsmen with great aplomb to finish with career best figures of 5 for 15. With three overs still remaining the innings closed with the tractor boys on a rather precise 100 all out. This was a fine bowling performance from the home attack on what was a very decent batting surface.

The pavilion was overrun by young footballers and parents who had returned from a tournament of the soccer variety, so the respective elevens were shoe horned into the pool room to take tea. These more cramped surroundings can sometimes enhance the ambience of the tea room - and Chef Dave had done a magnificent job of laying the provided food on top of the pool table, which is an ideal size for such an event.

The tractor boys are not used to fine teas, so this was a real treat for them which could be seen in their little faces. Eyes lit up at the sight of delicacies not normally seen in tractor country, such as sausage rolls and pizza pie. One player was visibly astounded that such a chocolate bar as a mint mini roll actually existed - and he wasn’t slow to advise his team mates of the incredibly nice taste of this item. To be fair, the tea was indeed a fine one. By Rossie Cafe standards; it was simply out of this world. The fare was plentiful and as the tea adjudicator surveyed the scene which comprised of happy faces and general cheeriness........and whilst munching on a fine selection of sandwiches and cakes he considered that this was probably going to be the tea to grab the Golden Urn away from St Andrews University Staff at the last minute. He was just about to announce a nine out of ten, when shock, horror........what in heaven’s name is that thing on that plate? There before him on the pool table, perched on a white china plate was the type of sandwich one can only describe as shocking. This thing had chunks of cheese inside which were very poorly sliced (more like random chunks than slices actually), and squashed in alongside them were mini tomatoes which had not been trimmed at all. But worst of all, the cheese and tomato shambles were contained between no fewer than two “heels” of bread. We all know them – the end bits that normally get thrown in the bin................ well some chancer had decided to use not one – but TWO heels to make this monstrosity.....

The tea adjudicator was gobsmacked and an enquiry was launched. It didn’t take long to uncover that this “Sandwich of Shame” had been constructed by none other than Skipper Sim. To make matters worse he claimed there was nothing wrong with his creation.........!!! We will let the readers decide from themselves when considering the photographic evidence below. This was probably the worst sandwich made in the history of cricket teas. The tea marker revised his score and the upshot of this is that St Andrews University remain as leaders of the Golden Urn. With just two away fixtures left, the Forthill 2nd XI lads were gutted when they heard that the title had been lost.........and no one spoke to the skipper again all day.

The Sandwich of Shame was removed from the clubhouse by crane and a special skip was ordered to take it away.

Well fed, the home team were intent on avoiding another batting disaster and normal service was thankfully resumed when the 101 runs required were knocked off with the minimum of fuss. Andy was the main run scorer in compiling a nice unbeaten 50 to see the home side to a 25 point victory. This result meant that Massey Ferguson Rossie Priory had to put the champagne on ice until their final game at home to the Golden Urn leaders next Saturday - when they can confirm their league championship victory with a suitable points haul.

The second innings was especially notable for a visit from the King of Inchture who arrived on his golden tractor and strolled around the boundary in regal fashion; whilst amusing the local supporters with his tales of visits to cricketing outposts while enjoying free lunches. He seemed unamused by the result however; and he headed back to his kingdom to contemplate beheadings for anyone who scored a duck or was flayed repeatedly to the boundary. He did miss out on a feast fit for a King at teatime and upon hearing tales of free regal feeds at the Forthill ground; he will not doubt be angling for a return visit in due course.

So that concludes the home fixtures for the Forthill 2nd XI in 2014. They did the statutory lap of honour in front of their own fans, but avoided the rowdy Inchture masses that were upset with their own teams display and were throwing sundry farmyard items on to the pitch – including large potatoes.

Before the willow can be popped in the loft for another winter, two away fixtures remain for Forthill 2nd XI at Kinloch and St Modans; and whilst the retaining of the league title is now highly unlikely, there remains a scrap for second place to be undertaken.

The Man of the Match Award went to Iain for his excellent 5 for 15 and he receives a voucher for tea for two at the Rossie Cafe. He also receives a stomach recovery kit.

Rossie Priory Batting
Player name RunsMB4s6sSR
for 10 wickets
100 (42.1 overs)
Alastair Lynch b  Cameron 7
Derek McAlpine b  Walker 55
Bruce Stephens b  McConnachie 2
Bradam Alcorn ct  Carnegie b Cameron 1
Kauti Muppuol ct  McConnachie b Carnegie 2
Billy Turner b  Lockhart 16
C Pringle b  Lockhart 5
Raymond Lynch Not Out  4
Michael Scott lbw  Lockhart 0
Ali Khan b  Lockhart 0
Craig Robertson b  Lockhart 2

ion8 Forfarshire Cricket Club 3rd XI Bowling

Player NameOversMaidensRunsWicketsAverageEconomy
Craig McConnachie7.0219119.002.71
Andrew Cameron6.03723.501.17
Christian Robertson7.03700.001.00
Glenn Carnegie7.0122122.003.14
Morgan Sargeant4.002300.005.75
Iain Lockhart7.121553.002.09
Cameron Walker4.01515.001.25

ion8 Forfarshire Cricket Club 3rd XI Batting
Player Name RMB4s6sSRCatchesStumpingsRun outs
for 3 wickets

(27.2 overs)
Andrew Cameron Not Out  50
Steven Sim b  Turner 9
Cameron Walker ct  R Lynch b Alcorn 7
Fraser Ross ct  Stephens b Alcorn 14
Christian Robertson Not Out  9
Glenn Carnegie   1
David Sim  
Clark McConnachie  
Iain Lockhart  
Morgan Sargeant  
Craig McConnachie   1

Rossie Priory Bowling

Player nameOversMaidensRunsWicketsAverageEconomy
Billy Turner 6.0124124.004.00
Craig Robertson 5.011000.002.00
Ali Khan 1.00700.007.00
Bradam Alcorn 8.0126213.003.25
Raymond Lynch 4.011000.002.50
Bruce Stephens3.201500.004.50
Photos and video of ion8 Forfarshire Cricket Club 3rd XI v Rossie Priory on Sun 17 Aug 2014 at 1pm
- the "Sandwich of Shame"">

"Sandwich of Shame"

the "Sandwich of Shame"