Kinloch v ion8 Forfarshire Cricket Club 3rd XI on Sun 24 Aug 2014 at 1pm
ion8 Forfarshire Cricket Club Lost 25 runs

Match report Autoecosse Forthill 2nd XI headed across the Tay Bridge to meet Fife outfit Kinloch in their penultimate SPCU Division One league fixture of 2014.

With Rossie Priory having deservedly secured the league championship the day before, this game was now only going to be pivotal in deciding the runners up spot in this year’s league ladder. Current league rules prevent the Broughty Ferry team from being promoted, however the St Andrews team do wish to head into the promised land of the Premier League so for them it was a vitally important fixture.

Glenn overslept and ensured we had a later than planned departure, however we still arrived in plenty of time for the appointed start. Before departure, Chef Dave accused the tea adjudicator of stealing the groundsman’s shovel. This took the tea adjudicator by surprise; however he was informed that when the shovel was last seen- it was in his hands as he assisted with dressing room cleaning duties some weeks ago. How this simple act of assistance in the distant past made him the chief suspect was beyond the adjudicator’s thinking; but he was severely questioned about the shovel’s whereabouts none the less. Unable to help with enquiries, his statement was duly noted by the Chief Inspector who was by now on the crime scene with notebook in hand. If anyone knows the location of the shovel can they please let Chef Dave or the Chief Inspector know? It is described as 60 years old, very worn and has seen better days. The shovel is not to be confused with Gordon Walker.

Back in St Andrews, the vice captain revealed a new look when getting changed into his whites; when it could be seen that he now surprisingly tucks his t-shirt into his underpants to stop it coming out. He was also seen to be sporting a pair of his father’s oversized boxer shorts; having recently got them back after they were used as the Radio 1 Live Tent at T in The Park. His father’s underpants selection for the day cannot be discussed here as this is a public forum and therefore X rated content must be avoided. It does clearly appear that the family does have a swap system for undergarments.

We ambled down to the appointed playing area and found that the grounds man had elected to take his mower across the wicket as opposed to the standard up and down cutting direction. This left a rather Celtic FC looking style pitch which was rather unusual. Skipper Sim called correctly and invited Kinloch to bat first; and apart from the candy stripe pattern it did was an average looking surface. Craig and Andy opened and Craig struck to remove Bowman early doors - and the visitors had the upper hand. Shakir survived a couple of confident appeals and settled into his role of perennial run scorer against Forthill; effectively mixing dabs behind point with slams over long on.

Christian, Glenn and Iain then all tried their hand and all of the bowlers performed well; yet Kinloch without ever dominating the bowling were managing to keep the scoreboard ticking along and had wickets in hand. Number 3, Wig was removed and Bruno (predominantly with dabs behind square) came in to join Shakir and the board kept ticking.

There were dabs on the cricket pitch and also on the adjoining football pitch where it was pleasing to note that the Hamilton Accies youth team gave out a footballing lesson to Dundee United’s youngsters. A welcome spectator arrived in the shape of the fixture secretary who had shown his devotion to the cause by cycling all the way from Monifieth to take in the action. He wore a specially selected cycling type outfit of excellent colour co-ordination – and deliberately chose the Norwood colour combo in order to upset the Kinloch players.

The spin of Cameron was introduced into the attack and Shakir holed out at long on for 71 very valuable runs. Then, some heavy duty swinging of the willow by the later order batsman against our young spin trio saw the run rate shoot up dramatically. This strong finish to the innings saw the eventual run tally end on 198 for 6 - which seemed well above par on the slow surface and the even slower outfield. Bruno finished with a steady 50 which was to prove vital. The players headed back to the pavilion for tea and the burglar alarm was set off when attempting to gain legal entry to the tea area. After some minutes the alarm was turned off and you could hear yourself think once again. The shovels were counted and all were intact.

Tea was produced and there were certainly more rolls than had been seen on previous visits to Kinloch. Could the Fife club perhaps upset the odds and produce a tea capable of challenging for the Golden Urn 2014? The adjudicator’s spirits were lifted when he managed to get in front of the Sims in the tea queue, although the vice captain tried to pull a fast one by deciding to go the wrong end of the queue to try and ensure maximum choice of fare - and in doing so disrupted the whole queuing system in place. The adjudicator checked the first roll selection – plain egg – which was not a good start as he is not an egg eater. Plate number two – egg; plate number three – egg mayonnaise; plate number four – egg and something mixed together; plate number five – egg and something else altogether; plate number six – egg and egg with some egg on top. Finally and thankfully plate number seven had tuna and a welcome non egg filled sandwich was secured. At least on the next plate there was a nice looking packet of what looked like four sausage rolls to fill the belly up; however one bite revealed this was in fact a savoury camouflaged as a sausage roll - which actually had a not so nice cheesy type filling within, as opposed to the standard sausage meat.

Some cake padded out the marker’s plate, but overall this was a tea lacking in variety, inventiveness, panache and style. And for the non egg muncher it was simply a total howler. Personal delivery of a cup of tea from the home skipper helped a bit, but a 2014 wooden spoon winning 2 out of 10 was awarded for the tea. One can only suspect that the chickens in Fife must be dead beat after their exertions last week to produce enough eggs to fill the rolls on that tea table.

Back down to the pitch, the reply started and Wig and Whisson took the new ball. One could consider that this would perhaps be a fine name for a hairdressing establishment? The batters were Andy and Chubbsy, perhaps a fine name for a boy band duo? The hairdressers had the upper hand as the boy band struggled to find their lines and the scoreboard was slow in turning. Stevie was first to go and this brought Rory to the crease. Kinloch were battling hard in the field and making life tricky and Andy fell when trying to up the rate. Christian joined Rory and the pair started to tick things along and upped the run rate nicely. With fifteen overs to go, 100 were still needed for victory; but with eight wickets in hand a tight finish was potentially in prospect. Wig returned and got Rory out for a fine 47 runs. Clark came in, but unfortunately Christian fell soon after and then wickets started to tumble quickly as the run rate crept up. Clark managed to clear the ropes a couple of times to keep things interesting; but when the skipper came in at the ridiculously low spot of number 11 – over ten an over was needed. The pair of fifty plus year olds decided that scampering quick singles was probably not a good tactic; so instead opted for the boundary route. However when Shakir (3 for 33) bowled Clark (46) in the second last over the chase was over and Kinloch turned out victors by 25 runs.

This was a good bowling performance from the Fifers and a deserved victory for them. Forthill put up a decent run chase; but they lost the game in the field when conceding too many runs. The Man of the Match Award went to Rory for his fine innings of 47 and he wins a year supply of energy tablets courtesy of Ian. So with both teams having one game remaining; Kinloch move into pole position in the chase for second spot in the league. Forthill 2nd XI head to St Modans next week whilst Kinloch play DHSFP XI. If Kinloch beat DHSFP XI then they will be guaranteed to finish second and will earn promotion to the Premier League. All Forthill can do is try and win next week and hope that our best friends and fellow Dundonians can sort out the Fifers. If that happens then Forthill will come second and deprive all of the current SPCU Premier League clubs of a visit to St Andrews next season - and enough egg rolls to last them a lifetime.

The battle for the bottom spot in the Division 1 ladder is also still ongoing. The carrier pigeons had not made it back to SPCU HQ in time for the league tables to be published at the time of writing; however it seems that St Modans need to win their final game guessed it Forthill 2nd ensure their league survival.

A late season run of poor form has also seen Golden Urn leaders St Andrews University Staff plummet down the table and their league survival is now in doubt after one season. Perth Do’ocot are also still flirting with the trap door along with perhaps even the Heh Skale (in spite of a remarkable run of wins)........but Coupar Angus are safe after a final game victory against Norwood.

Sadly, it has been confirmed that Strathmore have finished bottom of the Premier League and they will ply their trade in the first division next year. It is nice for the Div 1 clubs to have a trip to the fine Forfar ground to look forward to – and based on past tea history they are sure to be Golden Urn challengers – but hopefully this great club will have a good year rebuilding in 2015 and can move back towards the higher echelons of Scottish cricket in subsequent seasons.

So, one game to go in 2014 and all roads lead to Bannockburn!

Kinloch Batting
Player name RunsMB4s6sSR
for 6 wickets
198 (45.0 overs)
B Shakir ct  Carnegie b Walker 71
R Bowman ct  & b McConnachie jnr 9
P Wig ct  Walker b Carnegie 8
N Bruno Run out  50
S Ratanayke Run out  0
Z Jaffrey st  Sim b Ross 27
O Khan Not Out  17
S Whisson Not Out  0
R Dyer  
Z Younus  

ion8 Forfarshire Cricket Club 3rd XI Bowling

Player NameOversMaidensRunsWicketsAverageEconomy
Craig McConnachie7.0123123.003.29
Andrew Cameron6.011300.002.17
Glenn Carnegie7.0225125.003.57
Christian Robertson6.002800.004.67
Iain Lockhart6.011300.002.17
Cameron Walker6.0028128.004.67
Fraser Ross3.0018118.006.00
Rory Johnston4.004300.0010.75

ion8 Forfarshire Cricket Club 3rd XI Batting
Player Name RMB4s6sSRCatchesStumpingsRun outs
for 10 wickets

(43.1 overs)
Andrew Cameron b  Khan 13
Steven Sim ct  Bruno b Wig 2
Rory Johnston ct  Younus b Wig 47
Christian Robertson b  Wig 28
Clark McConnachie b  Shakir 45
Fraser Ross ct  Ratanayke b Younus 5
Cameron Walker Run out  5 1
Craig McConnachie b  Shakir 0 1
Iain Lockhart b  Younus 0
Glenn Carnegie Run out  5 1
David Sim Not Out  4 1

Kinloch Bowling

Player nameOversMaidensRunsWicketsAverageEconomy
P Wig 8.03632.000.75
S Whisson 7.012000.002.86
O Khan 3.0019119.006.33
R Bowman 9.023200.003.56
R Dyer 6.012600.004.33
B Shakir 5.1033216.506.39
Z Younus 5.0029214.505.80