ion8 Forfarshire Cricket Club 3rd XI v DHSFP XI on Sun 31 May 2015 at 1pm
ion8 Forfarshire Cricket Club Won 2 wickets

Match report Very heavy overnight rain led to a mid morning pitch inspection at Forthill on Sunday morning ahead of the much anticipated local derby against DHSFPCC number 2’s. In spite of large areas of the square being under water; the pitch inspection committee decided that due to the decent afternoon weather forecast it was worth getting the Curator out of his pit to come and offer his final opinion. The ground convenor was also called, but he chose to offer his opinion whilst remaining in his pit. For the avoidance of doubt, the Curator and Ground Convenor do not share the same pit. The bleary eyed Curator arrived to agree that mopping up duties would be in order and that a late start could be achieved.

The vice captain and senior convenor then disappeared (one suspected in the direction of a local cafe for a full English breakfast) and that left Clark in the sole company of the Curator. The ground expert understandably decided that he would take command of the super soaker; and instructed Clark to use an old fashioned brush type implement to sweep off surface water. After 20 minutes of sweeping water from the square and clearly not being used to strenuous physical activity; Clark’s back went – which would have some implications later in the day.

The missing work party duly arrived back at the ground and the sight of tomato sauce dribbling down the vice captain’s chin might have been a tell tale sign that he had been off munching his breakfast; but it was recalled by all that the sauce was there last week as well The sleeves got rolled up and eventually a combination of hard work and a drying wind saw the pitch miraculously declared playable - and a 30 overs per side was the upshot of the delay.

We once again had two Hills and three Walkers in the home team; and upon arrival at base camp the Hill/Walker party were seemingly surprised the game was on...... and the head Walker (Sherpa Ted) dispatched one Hill (Adam) and one Walker (hard to tell which one) on an expedition to Sainsburys to find supplies that would be suitable for turning into a cricket tea. Sherpa Ted remained at base camp and regaled us with tales of his Saturday night in The Fort Bar; but it was later revealed that he probably left out some of the finer details regarding his evening....

The Sainsburys supply party returned and took the bag of provisions straight up to Chef Dave to see what he could concoct for them......... and then they presented the invoice for supplies to Sherpa Ted and he was rather surprised to find that the supply group had spent no less than £30.58 on cricket tea provisions. The Hill party reluctantly contributed a rather hefty £10 contribution towards the bill; but this still left Sherpa Ted to shell out £20.58 for his tea. To say he was unhappy would be putting it mildly and he mumbled that he would have been cheaper taking everyone to the Glass Pavilion.

For the Sherpa’s hard earned cash, the boys brought back some heavy duty packs of pre packed ham and chicken, four loaves of bread and two of the largest jars of mayonnaise ever seen by man. One suspects that having seen the booty that was delivered; the advance party must have also spent a fair chunk of the King of the Mountain’s dough on scratch cards.

In a rather unusual addition to cricket proceedings and as a reward for the team’s efforts in getting the ground playable, Chef Dave sent a tray of bacon rolls down to the home dressing room just ahead of play commencing. It was interesting to see a team taking the field whilst munching bacon rolls; but it has to be said it was very welcome fare ahead of a day in the field

The game finally commenced and the visitors opened up with Scotland prospect Kenny Kyles who has been bang in form this season. Social media has been awash with stories that Scotland coach Grant Bradburn has taken a shine to Kyles and is considering him for future squads. However, when it was revealed that the source of the rumours was Hoppy Junior (The Heh Skale number one’s vice captain) it was automatically considered to be a pile of rubbish. Kyles played some nice shots on his way to a quickfire 46 and his opening partner somehow sclaffed 24. Faisal Saeed caused great amusement when he tried to reverse sweep Ted off his second ball; and he also looked good before falling for 16. This brought Sammy Ejaz to the crease and whilst he rode his luck at times he did well to finish with 41 not out and with support from his team mates he helped to see his team to a very competitive 158 for 5 after 30 overs at tea.

The innings was marked by some standard DHSFP umpiring which has clearly been obtained at the High School of Dundee Umpiring Finishing School. This lead to one very clear stumping being given not out The home bowlers all toiled away and Glenn was the pick of the bunch with 2 for 26 from 6 tidy overs. The home team’s fielding once again left a lot to be desired with numerous catching chances once again being put down and the mobility of some players looked very suspect. At one point Clark and Ted somehow (and amazingly) found themselves at Cover and Extra Cover respectively when the ball was spooned over their heads. It looked like a sure fire race between them to get the ball as quickly as possible; but instead they both just stood motionless and it was left to Glenn at backward point to run and collect the ball. Clark wasn’t finished though. Now positioned at short third man the ball again went over his head and after three feeble yards of pursuit he decided to go down as if he had been shot by the assistant subscriptions collector perched on the pavilion roof in his machine gun turret. It turned out that he had stupidly decided to play the game in spite of having a gubbed back caused by sweeping water - and he slowly hobbled off the pitch and into the bar for a massage from Freda with numerous overs remaining. He resurfaced at tea still with a sore back, but at least with a smile on his face...

Fielding practice has been ordered for those less than 50 years of age for Tuesday night – and for Messrs McConnachie, Walker and Sim Sr a fundraising push will now commence immediately for the purchase of three specially adapted cricket mobility scooters. Tea was taken and Chef Dave had once again performed a Ready, Steady, Cook type miracle and had taken a bag of basic ingredients and turned them into a magnificent feast. The tables were groaning with rolls and sandwiches of all kinds, pizza, sausage rolls, chicken satay sticks, cakes, biscuits, juice and tea. It was reckoned there was easily a full season’s worth of Rossie Priory teas on this one single table.

Walker Junior (hard to tell which one) tried to break his own Guinness World Record for sandwiches stacked on a plate when he perched nine on top of each other; but two fell off before he reached his chair so the attempt failed. He still ate all nine. All in all this was a very fine tea. Chef Dave and his team were awarded a mark of 8 out of 10 and on this display the home team are going to take some beating this year in the chase for the 2015 Golden Urn.

Well fed, Andy and Cammy opened the batting and were challenged by the returning ex Forthill favourite Adees Ahmed who opened the bowling with his fine slow left armers for “The High”. In spite of Adees bowling well, the home pair startedexcellently and put on 80 for the first wicket and were also nicely up with the required run rate. Unfortunately Cammy fell for a well compiled 33 runs; and there then followed a regular clatter of wickets that put the home team in some difficulty. However, with Andy batting really well; it was thought that as long as he was at the crease the game was slightly in favour of the home team. However disaster struck when due to a misunderstanding with Samir, Andy was unlucky to be run out for an excellent 77 runs. Now it was looking difficult for the Forfarshire 3’s.

Clark went in at number 8 and joined Samir. “If he was a dog he would have been put down” shouted some wag as he hirpled to the crease. He followed the old adage of shut your eyes and swing and connected with a couple before being pouched by Kyles at cover. He left the field to accusations of being a “fake” from the visiting skipper.

The home team now needed a hero - and up stepped the vice captain Sim Senior. Resplendent with undone shoe laces, shirt hanging out and sauce on his chin; he strode to the middle and took command of the situation. Without any dramas he picked off the runs needed until it was two off two balls that were required to secure victory. With the excitement mounting and the DHSFP twitter feed having blown up........the former skipper swung a leg side delivery towards the boundary and a home victory was secured. Spider and Howard immediately left in the huff.

The innings was marked by some standard Forfarshire umpiring which has clearly been obtained at the High School of Dundee Umpiring Finishing School. This lead to one very clear stumping being given not out.

Given the fact that the wicket was underwater earlier in the day; it was good just to get a game of cricket played. But this also turned out to be an excellent game of cricket which ebbed and flowed all day and could have gone either way. Credit goes to DHSFP number 2’s for playing well and they can count themselves a little unlucky not to come out on top. For the home team; fielding practice, mobility lessons and basic batting needs to be addressed if top form is to be hit at some point in the season.

The Man of the Match Award was given to Andy Cameron for his fine innings of 77 runs and he is awarded a year’s supply of mayonnaise (one big jar) courtesy of Sherpa Ted.
So that concluded the first home game of the season for Forfarshire 3’s and it was nice to get a game on the hallowed turf – albeit a shortened one.

Following the unfortunate withdrawal of Coupar Angus from the league this year; the 3’s have instead arranged a friendly at Forthill next Sunday against the Caledonian Academy team. However, with the first team having a Scottish Cup game at Ayr next Sunday and the fourth team also in league action at Strathmore.........all hands will be needed on deck on the Sabbath and all players are reminded of the club’s pre match curfew rules. The third team skipper has once again advised that as per last week he will be conducting spot checks in the Casino between 3am and 5am to ensure that none of his players are there.

DHSFP XI Batting
Player name RunsMB4s6sSR
3w 2b 4lb 
for 5 wickets
158 (30.0 overs)
K Kyles b  Narayanan 46 3
S Mohammed b  Cameron 24 2
F Saeed ct  S Hill b Carnegie 16 2
S Ejaz Not Out  41 4
A Saeed b  Carnegie 5
B Smith lbw  S Hill 14 2
A Parker Not Out  3
A Ahmed  
Q Ahmed  
D Lindsay  

ion8 Forfarshire Cricket Club 3rd XI Bowling

Player NameOversMaidensRunsWicketsAverageEconomy
Samir Hill5.0120120.004.00
Kailas Narayanan6.0130130.005.00
Andrew Cameron6.0024124.004.00
Gordon Walker4.002800.007.00
Glenn Carnegie6.0026213.004.33
Blair Walker3.002400.008.00

ion8 Forfarshire Cricket Club 3rd XI Batting
Player Name RMB4s6sSRCatchesStumpingsRun outs
8w 3b 1lb 
for 8 wickets

(29.5 overs)
Andrew Cameron Run out  77 7
Cameron Walker b  Ejaz 33 3
Adam Hill b  Saeed 1
Steven Sim b  Saeed 0
Glenn Carnegie b  Q Ahmed 2
Samir Hill Run out  6 1
Blair Walker b  Parker 2
Clark McConnachie ct  Kyles b Q Ahmed 20 3 1
David Sim Not Out  6
Gordon Walker Not Out  0
Kailas Narayanan  

DHSFP XI Bowling

Player nameOversMaidensRunsWicketsAverageEconomy
A Ahmed6.0014114.002.33
Q Ahmed5.5024124.004.11
S Ejaz6.0033133.005.50
A Parker6.0042142.007.00
A Saeed6.0042221.007.00