ion8 Forfarshire Cricket Club 3rd XI v DHSFP XI on Sun 19 Jun 2016 at 1pm
Match was Abandoned

Match report Forfarshire Third Eleven versus Dundee High Hurricanes:

After heavy rain all week it was nice to get on the field and have a game of cricket last Sunday when we welcomed local rivals Dundee High Hurricanes to Forthill. The sun of the morning had been replaced with clouds - and with rain forecast for late afternoon it was rather unlikely from the start that the game would be completed.

The meeting time had come and gone and there was no sign of the Walker family. The captain’s complicated pre match warm up (which had been provided by the club professional) was thrown out of the window as it needed full team participation. Instead the boys who were there threw a rugby ball around whilst we waited for our missing team mates. The start time was fast approaching when Ted’s limo drew up and out stepped two of the three Walkers named on the team sheet. Ted looked dishevelled after a routine bout of controversial early morning social media use; and there was a clear possibility that he had over indulged on the Craft Ale the day before. Blair was also looking slightly worse for wear and his tomato sauce stained sneakers were an indication that he was not functioning at 100 per cent. But where was Cammy? It transpired that he was somehow “lost” in the Blackness Road area of Dundee and there were also murmurings of a malfunctioning mobile phone that made communication with him difficult. It is indeed hard to hear your mobile phone when it is switched off and you are sleeping. Upshot was that there was no Cammy, no warm up taken and only ten players….which was hardly ideal preparation for a massive local derby against the Hurricanes. Luckily, young Jack was at the club and kindly agreed to fill the vacant spot. At precisely one minute before 1pm, (the scheduled start time) Cammy miraculously called to say he could be at the ground at some future time in the afternoon having rediscovered his bearings (and his phone) and navigated his way eastwards. However, his kind offer to play was declined swiftly by a rather grumpy captain.

Clark won his first toss of the season and opted to bat first. Jack and Simmy opened up against the visitors pace attack. Sim was looking very trim after his recent charity walking exploits and from a distance could easily have been mistaken for his son. The family likeness was even more prevalent when he was dismissed cheaply. His nephew Andy took his place and we were hoping family resemblance would continue and that Andy would bat like his brother. But unfortunately he batted more like his Mum than his brother - and he went soon after. Clark was next in and he batted like his Uncle - who is blind in one eye and has a wooden leg. Thankfully Jack was playing as if his Mum had once had a productive one night stand with Ricky Ponting and was playing beautifully. Ultimately he fell, well caught on the boundary by Shogun for a fine 84 runs.

The remaining batsmen supported Jack and did their best against some tidy bowling and it was left to Ted with a swishing cameo to bring the innings to an end. Pick of the bowlers was young Lindsay who ended up with 5 wickets; and in keeping with the family theme he seems a far better prospect than his Father ever was. With the sky looking ever darker, the innings closed on a respectable (if not massive) 188 for 9. The innings was notable for the presence of a larger than normal crowd; with the newly refurbished and extended Ted’s Shed area of the ground housing a group who were enjoying ale, burgers and somewhat controversially music. One could only wonder what neutral umpires would have made of 1D blasting out across the ground…….surely it will have to be Sinatra to placate them at future games?

Tea was taken and after the move to the top of the Golden Urn leader board by St Modans Sunrisers; it was expected that the home players would have pulled out the stops and put on a special spread. But, presumably as a result of a dolphin being washed up on Broughty Ferry beach earlier in the week, and a subsequent glut of cheap tuna on the local black market…..there was a proliferation of tuna sandwiches on show. To be fair (and thanks mainly to the efforts of Chef Dave and his trusty assistant Fred) the overall offer was nicely padded out with pizza and some additional filled sandwiches of the non-tuna variety. Some very nice home baked cakes were also on show along with some rather tasty looking large cocktail stick type efforts – with the sticks being populated with a combo of marshmallows and strawberries and drizzled with chocolate. The ex-skipper was clearly carb loading after his walking efforts and had a plate so heavily loaded with these tasty treats that the tea adjudicator failed to sample one. They did look good though and judging by the strawberry juice filled saliva pouring from Sim Sr’s mouth whilst he devoured them - they would have tasted as good as they looked. The resulting mark was an above par 75 out of 100; but nothing like good enough to overtake the Sunrisers feast from a couple of weeks back.

Right on cue, the rain started to fall as the players took the field and Andy and Iain took the new ball. It wasn’t actually new – it was really quite old; but you know what I mean. Ramalingam opened up for the Hurricanes and he is clearly a player of some class and played some nice shots to ensure the scoreboard rattled along at a rate of knots. The rain was persistent however, and after Ted managed to bowl the Hurricanes star batsman, it was sensibly agreed that conditions had become rather unpleasant and a halt was called to proceedings. It is on occasions like these that it is good to see common sense prevail - and it is always helpful that the lure of the bar is high on the visiting skipper’s agenda.

The upshot was that the day was technically a complete waste of time as no points were awarded to any team…….

Man of the Match award went to Jack for his fine innings and he receives a limited edition pair of white sneakers courtesy of Blair Walker Shoes. The new trend of splashing ketchup on the toes of your otherwise shiny white pumps might well catch on!

Next week we perhaps strangely play the Hurricanes again; this time at Hurricanes Stadium. No one is quite sure why we are playing the same team twice in six days; but who cares really…..

In closing this week, I must make a serious public apology if I have unintentionally offended any readers over the last few weeks. These musings are always intended to be of the humorous nature and are never supposed to cause offence in any way. I apparently incorrectly accused a club member of sexist behaviour when mentioning reference to him inviting a lady member to hoover out the scorebox. I apologise unreservedly for this comment and will ensure this gentleman is not subject to any further comment in future columns to avoid the risk of causing distress and upset of any kind.

Finally, if any burdz in the club can dust the scorebox that would be handy as it is getting a bit mucky.

ion8 Forfarshire Cricket Club 3rd XI Batting
Player Name RunsMB4s6sSRCtStRo
1nb 15w 3b 6lb 
for 10 wickets

(44.4 overs)
Jack Hogarth ct Jonny b A Lindsay 84
David Sim b Ejaz 0
Andrew Wallace ct Ejaz b A Lindsay 17
Clark McConnachie b R Hopkins 5
Stuart Murray b R Hopkins 17
Morgan Sargeant ct Khan b A Lindsay 12
James Sim ct Khan b A Lindsay 5
James (jnr) Girolami lbw A Lindsay 0
Iain Lockhart ct Ejaz b Jonny 5
Blair Walker ct A Lindsay b Ejaz 11
Gordon Walker Not Out  0

DHSFP XI Bowling

Player nameOversMaidensRunsWicketsAverageEconomy
S Ejaz8.4128214.003.23
S Jonny7.0039139.005.57
R Hopkins9.0133216.503.67
A Lindsay9.003957.804.33
B Ramalingham9.013300.003.67
H Khan2.001200.006.00

DHSFP XI Batting
Player name RMB4s6sSR
for 1 wickets
66 (11.3 overs)
B Ramalingham b AG Walker 48
M Lawson Not Out  16
S Ejaz Not Out  0

ion8 Forfarshire Cricket Club 3rd XI Bowling

Player NameOversMaidensRunsWicketsAverageEconomy
Andrew Wallace5.003000.006.00
Iain Lockhart5.012800.005.60
Gordon Walker1.00515.005.00
Jack Hogarth0.30300.006.00