ion8 Forfarshire Cricket Club
Perth Doo'cot XI v ion8 Forfarshire Cricket Club 3rd XI on Sat 02 Sep 2017 at 1pm
ion8 Forfarshire Cricket Club Lost 43 runs
Perth Doo'cot 2nd XI 203
H Gow 58, W Sullivan 35, T Hussain 28; J Sim 3 for 29, L Robinson 3 for 42
Forfarshire 3rd XI 160 for 8
Craig McConnachie 43, L Robinson 34, C Robertson 24; T Hussain 3 for 11, G Parsons 2 for 36
Saturday saw the long anticipated finale to the season.
The Forfarians of the North gathered on the steps of the Forthill enclave and with their army assembled and weapons in hand - they boarded their chariots and headed South to do battle with the Dooky’s of the South.
The head of the Fartar clan was late as he had overdone the mead the previous evening. His second born Cammy of Steeple was also late as he was busy all morning preparing provisions for those being left at home to protect the city walls. The journey south saw us avoid the chaos of the Bullionfield Market and also the bacon bludgeoning of the Horn of Perthshire and we arrived at the Do’ocot battle ground in due time.
The general of the Forfarians observed a battlefield that was bathed in sunshine and considered his tactical plan. He decided that today was the day to hand over the reins to Sim of the Brechiners who had shown himself to be a potential master tactician of the future.
The Dooky’s were also under new leadership in the shape of Koo of the Ozzies – and it soon became apparent that that Dooky’s new brigadier had brought in serious reinforcements in the form of a Sullyed one from the far South of Fifeland. This Sully was known as a fine and experienced soldier who would no doubt battle hard against the Forfarians.
The combatants gathered at the edge of the battlefield and the appointed generals shook hands and went through the coin throwing ritual. Sim of the North chose wrongly and Koo of the South opted to take first use of the wooden bludgeoning instruments and the Forfarians went at them with the red rock.
Acting General Sim of the North sprung a surprise by throwing the new red rock to Ted of Fartar who had to quickly shake of the effects of mead and a battle hardened life to have the first attack at the advance party of wood throwers from the South. The new rock was shared with Lewis of Baldragon. Early joy was had and the lead Dooky attacker was quickly taken out of battle and this brought the Sullyed one from Fifeland to the fray and he bludgeoned Lewis of Baldragon to the fence on more than one occasion. Ted of Fartar got the other Perth advance party member in a pincer movement and took him out with the aid of his young glove man Rossco of the Tangerines.
General Sim took responsibility and entered the front line and went head on with the Sullied one and took him out with a turning rock that castled the interloper and sent him packing to lick his wounds. A meaty battle followed and various Forfarians took turns of the rock to try and take out the Dooky swordsmen who came in one by one with their timber weapons to attempt to smote the spherical object to the boundary side. Other Forfarian rock throwers on the day included Harry the Turner, Tommy the Tyrant, James the Slinger and Craig the Chucker. Armstrong of Invergowrie umpired in favour of the home side and failed to lift his Little Finger throughout proceedings.
At the end of the tussle, scribeman Roddy of Marlboro counted the tally and declared that the Dookys of the South had struck 203 blows with eight casualties against the Forfarians of the North rock propellers.
A temporary truce was called and fare was taken with titleship of the ancient Golden Urn at stake. The Forfarians of the North are custodians of the said Urn and are renowned for their feasts of wonder. The Dooky’s of the South in aspiring to wrestle ownership of the ancient treasure merely prepared fodder of an average standard and egg filled bread was the main item on show. McGaffney of Auchterarder was posted missing from this battle and his normally very welcome sponge of excellent filling was therefore missing. Votes were cast and it was agreed that the Forfarians of the North would retain ownership of the Urn for a further year. A black raven was despatched with the news to Urn protector Dave of the Downfield who had copious flagons of mead to celebrate the Forfarian victory.
Battle recommenced and young battalion members Harry the Turner and Lewis of Baldragon went in first with blunt spears of willow to face the might of chief Dooky rock propeller Koo of the Ozzies. Harry lost his castle and Craig the Chucker came in and he formed a formidable barrier along with Lewis of Baldragon and try as they could – the Dooky attack could not break through the Forfarian defences. Numerous impressive rock blows were struck and Roddy of Marlboro was openly condemning the ability of his rock men from the confines of his smoke filled counting house. A Forfarian victory seemed on course when the battle was halted to allow the taking of liquid to quench the combatants combined thirst.
This period of rest seemed to refresh the home battalion and the red sphere was thrown to the young rock man Taz of Craigie who displayed a rock throwing ability which belied his young age and he found his way through the defences of Craig the Chucker and then induced James the Slinger to loft one to a camouflaged catcher lurking in the outfield. When Lewis of Baldragon was lost and Cammy of Steeple was castled - the visiting battalion was in disarray. Robbo, King of The Union was our main hope but when he lofted a rock to an attendant in the wilderness and it was safely collected without the rock touching the ground – the Forfarian troops became disheartened and Dooky morale was greatly lifted.
Young gloveman Rossco of Tangerine bravely decided to go into battle without his leg guards, but his fellow platoon members recalled him and he was sent to place the guards on his legs for his safety. General Clark was in the armoury putting on his battle armour when Rossco of Tangerine came in to apply his leg guards. Rossco left the armoury first and as he did so the ageing General was following. Rossco went out and glanced behind him where all he could see was the general saying……….hold the door……
Rossco of Tangerine and Sim of the Brechiners tried hard to flay the rock as required, but the number of blows needed to achieve victory was now becoming excessive and both fell bravely. General Clark of Monifieth was next on the roster to face rock throwing, but he was posted missing (still holding the door?) and Ted of Fartar was despatched at an unusually high roster position of number nine rock flayer. He adopted a stance of attack and struck the blow of the day when he smote an unsuspecting Dooky man’s rock sailing over the edge of the battlefield rope and a maximum tally of half a dozen scores was awarded. Was this really Ted of Fartar……..or could this have been the blow of a White Walker? His eyes upon arrival at the ground certainly gave rise to this possibility...
Roddy of Marlboro gasped in amazement at this show of wood wielding excellence which has rarely been seen from the veteran Forfarian over many years of feisty encounters - and the scribe too surmised that this was a superhuman feat.
The battle closed at the appointed time and the tallyman declared that the Dooky’s of the South won the battle by some 47 blows and the Forfarians of the North were left to lick their wounds. King of the Dooky’s - Ivor the Inswinger - was watching from his balcony and seemed pleased with the outcome and instructed his servants to dispense a fine variety of mead afterwards by way of celebration. It was noted that once again Roddy of Marlboro enjoyed the mead to excess.
This brought the battle season to a close for the Forfarians of the North. They limped back home in convoy to the Ferrylands and will have to seriously consider their plans for the following year’s encounters.
Many of the young combatants have displayed great improvement over the summer months and are to be commended for their hard work and commitment. Mention goes to all parents of these fledgling battalion members for allowing their offspring to travel with their generals over the war season – and entrusting their safety to this older generation. Thanks also go to Cully of Mower for his wickets of splendidness. Special mention also to Ted of Fartar for his support throughout the year. A very special thank you goes to Dave of Downfield for his all-round help on battle days which as ever is hugely appreciated. The Golden Urn seems small recompense for his efforts and an evening spent with Freda of Ye Little Shoppe could perhaps be arranged as a reward.
And a final thank you to our combatants who we have battled against once more. The Dookys of Perth are always fine foes whom we need to find a way to defeat. The Modies of the South and their historical battlefield which this year saw us witness a domino tussle to behold. The Stonies of Dyce who almost did come to blows with us over the unforeseen inclement weather that enclosed their battlefield as their metal dragons flew high above us. The Duncans of Lindsay who still struggle with the rules of battle. The Fafs of Inchture who are always difficult to tackle with their army of tractors. And finally this year’s top dogs the Academicals of St Andrews who this year tactically out thought and out played everyone.
Winter well and watch out for all types of Walkers……
Perth Doo'cot XI Batting
4nb 14w 4b 3lb
for 10 wickets
203 (44.3 overs)
ct R Bailey b L Robinson
ct R Bailey b AG Walker
b J Sim
lbw H Hardie
lbw J Sim
ct H Hardie b L Robinson
b J Sim
ct McConnachie b Robinson
ion8 Forfarshire Cricket Club 3rd XI Bowling
James (jnr) Girolami
ion8 Forfarshire Cricket Club 3rd XI Batting
10w 2b 2lb
for 8 wickets
ct Sullivan b Parsons
James (jnr) Girolami
ct Gow b Rehman
ct Cranston b Turlik
Perth Doo'cot XI Bowling
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